“Poor is the man whose pleasures depend on the permission of another.”
Madonna sings that line in her seminal song and video for Justify My Love. Not only does she sing the lyric but it shows up in print in the final frame of the video. Why?
I’ve got to hand it to Madonna. While she seems like a tough person who would chew me up for breakfast, she took quite a risk with Justify My Love and then with her album Erotica and her coffee-table book Sex. She was an established star who dared to alienate, well, everybody, with her in-your-face bold sexual fantasies. From what I’ve heard, she was so raked over the coals for it that she apparently said that it was the single time in her storied career when she thought she should just throw in the towel and get out of the limelight. Note that it was a woman, not a man, who had the balls to showcase sex and fantasy do this degree in the mainstream. Go onto Youtube and type in the words “Madonna Erotica uncensored”, and you will see the uncensored video to the song Erotica. She holds nothing back. Lesbians lick her tits. She gets ridden like a horse in leather by a totally hot guy that I think I’ve seen in gay porn. She pours hot wax onto one leather dude and flogs another (or was that a woman?). She goes full tilt into BDSM. And at times in the video, she is funny and irreverent, revealing that erotica can be hot and also humorous and finally, fun.
I recently re-posted a video of myself getting kinky on Xtube. I had posted it some time ago, and in a panic one day, I took it down. I had every fear in the book about the video falling into the wrong hands, especially into the hands of those I work with at my office job. I did not have Madonna’s balls. Then shortly after, I started this blog, hardly putting any time into marketing it. I had many “friends” on Xtube, and began mailing each one individually about my blog. It was laborious, but I did get some readership from it. But in my heart of hearts, I knew that having a good video on Xtube would do the marketing for me. A friend told me that my fears were irrational and OCDish, and whether he is right or not, I reached out for divine providence and re-posted the video.
The video is a five minute take on a five hour edging session. In those five minutes, you get to see me grooving to Rob Zombie playing in the background. I piss in the vid, drink it, spray piss from a spray bottle all over my face and pits and hair, drink some saved cum, pour what’s left on my face and say my favorite word over and over – “FUCK!” – while jacking the meat. After I posted the video, readership of the blog went up.
I had prayed for divine providence because by posting the video and having the blog, I was making a commitment to it all. I was willing to risk my livelihood, if, heaven forbid, it came to that. Why? I wanted to combat hypocrisy around sex for my greater good, to share this with my brothers, so that we might come to learn what Alan Gregg meant when he said:
“The history of medicine proves that in so far as man seeks to know himself and face his whole nature, he has become free from the bewildered fear, despondent shame, or arrant hypocrisy. As long as sex is dealt with in the current confusion of ignorance and sophistication, denial and indulgence, suppression and stimulation, punishment and exploitation, secrecy and display, it will be associated with a duplicity and indecency that lead neither to intellectual honesty nor human dignity.” (Preface to Sexual Behavior in the Human Male, Kinsey et al., v.)
Kinsey wrote that in 1948, and sadly, it still rings true. Sex is everywhere – in marketing, in films, in music – and yet we supposedly shouldn’t be too obsessed with it. Porn is watched by millions, yet we know next to nothing of the truth of the lives of the performers, except what the film companies and the religious right tell us. Men of the cloth condemn homosexuality while secretly having gay sex while high on meth. Of course, when found out, they recant and go to rehab, while their stoic wife grins and bears it. We rarely really talk about sex rationally and openly. We fear it too much and pay lip service to its celebration.
Alanis Morissette frighteningly sings a line in one of her songs that goes “You will learn to lose everything.” That line ricocheted in my head as I uploaded my video onto Xtube. But I also knew that I needed to amputate what wasn’t working for me, and what wasn’t working for me was silence. I had to trust that providence would provide me with a path. As scared as I was, I wondered what joys might be in store if I followed my truth. If I believed in the importance of this kind of frank dialogue, I had to put my money where my mouth was.
Many of you found this blog by way of the video. I did not ask anyone’s permission to post it but my own. I like having that video up there. Now you, My Friend, know what it took to upload it.