Religion screwed me up about sex. Celibate priests and sexless saints. Feeling compelled to wash my hands obsessively just at the thought of arousal. Terrified because I found Jesus attractive. The lessons I learned in those days led me to see the sexual realm as somehow “dark”, while religion was supposedly the bastion of “light” (and therefore necessarily divorced from sexuality). I recall reading a book that told me that masturbation was an affront to god, and that the only sex deemed holy was that had in the sanctity of marriage.
I got to thinking about the soccer mom who might, on a Saturday night, accidentally stumble across my blog while looking for a blog on knitting. What would she possibly make of it? Would she cluck her tongue at male sexuality, especially gay male sexuality and its supposed excesses? And on Sunday morning, as she sings “Alleluia” from her pew, does she silently pray for me, that I will turn from my sinful ways? Does she pray that I’ll recant?
What would she think if I told her that I’ve seen videos on Xtube of anonymous sexual encounters? You know the kind – someone posts an ad on craigslist and waits, ass up, for a stranger to walk in and fuck him. When I clicked on these videos, I expected something dark, something frightening, but found them often...friendly. It often started with a Hello, and ended with a Thanks (and sometimes See You Next Week). Does our collective conscience deem such an experience as dark only because it falls way out of the realm of “normal” sexual contact?
Because what about our soccer mom, who after church, comes home where she and her husband have loveless sex. Loveless because of twenty odd years of emotional wounds inflicted and resentments harboured. Her husband hired a new, young secretary two weeks ago. She’s noted that he takes longer in the morning to get ready for work and she is not a stupid woman. And now, with her husband on top of her, she prays again, just as she did at church, but this time for him to climax and just be done with it. But it’s all within the sanctity of marriage. Am I supposed to see this as “light”?
Am I promoting anonymous sex, like the kind I described above? Absolutely not. It would be irresponsible of me. I was robbed once by a trick. I’ve had friends who have invited strangers over for play and ended up physically assaulted. What I am suggesting is a paradigm shift, an awakening to the idea that if it’s safe, sane and between consenting adults, we might find sexual beauty in the unlikeliest of places, scenarios and kinks. Alleluia indeed.