Saturday, 11 May 2013

Craigslist


To straight men:  This might be all kind of new to you.  So I get it if you want to come in, unzip, get sucked off, and go.  Because you know I’m gonna jack it for a few hours with the taste of your cum in my mouth, or let the cum sit there on my face, depending on where you blew your wad.  Or maybe you’re down with relaxing for a while, having a whisky with me, jackin’ together on the couch, shooting the shit.  NSA, discreet, all good.  Why would you hit me up?  I’ve heard that some women don’t like giving head. Unbelievable! Us gay guys?  Damn near all of us think dick is meant to be worshipped.  Enough said.  If you find a chick who loves giving you head, you can drop me off your list – you go thank the sex gods that you found a woman who gives it to you good.  Worship her.

To my bate buds:  You and I are chronic bators (masturbators).  Love to get together with another buddy and edge for hours.  Kicking back with a bottle of poppers, talking sex and gooning together (gooning: that point in the bate where you are so lost in it you’re all but drooling on yourself).  Sure, we might rub each other’s precum on our cocks, sniff each other’s pits.  But mostly it’s about the visual of how we each bate.  However you like to bate and goon is such a turn on:  Do you like to shove things up your ass?  Hump the couch in a frenzy?  Piss on yourself?  Beat it like it owes you money?  Chant the word “penis” over and over like a mantra?  All good! Go for it man...

To bi and gay guys:  OK, you’re gonna want more.  I got you covered.  I’ll fuck you (safe).  Let’s get into some piss play, worship our pits, jack it together, 69 on poppers, throw back some beer, spit on each other, (hell, let’s spit some of the beer on each other),watch some porn – essentially, let’s be pigs and let the good times roll.

Some things you should know about me:  I smoke.  Don’t do drugs, but don’t mind if you do.  I sure do love my Jack Daniel’s.  I don’t shave or trim a damn thing.  Late thirties.  See attached body pic.  Will need to swap face pics ultimately to seal the deal.  If you’re partnered, I’d rather we didn’t get involved – bad karma.  Yet I also recognize that some of you are in situations where leaving your partner is not an option, but the sex in your relationship is long gone.  So let’s discuss. 

Dear Readers:  I need some input on this.  Would you respond to this very long Craigslist ad?  Why or why not?  How sincere am I really about not being with someone partnered?  Why would anyone want to be with someone partnered?  First, there is the element of the forbidden.  Second, it’s (theoretically) emotionally safe – you don’t have to let your heart out of its cage since there is (on paper) no hope for more than NSA fun.

I haven’t posted this ad (novel?) and am not sure I ever will.  Why?  I’ve gotten to the point where letting a stranger into my home makes me damn nervous.  And to think I used to do this a lot!  But even in the past, I’d be so nervous about my safety.  I’d be nervous that the person who showed up at the door wouldn’t look like the man in the pictures that were sent to me.  And yet the thrill of the hunt always won out.  The optimist in me would think “Maybe this guy will be a keeper”.  There was something affirming, sexually speaking, to know that there were other men as horny as I was and who would enter my home, no questions asked, and get naked within seconds.  Silently we were saying to each other “I’m horny, you’re horny, I respect that.”

Before writing this piece, I went on Craigslist to read today’s “Men looking for Men” postings.  Evidently, some men don’t share my qualms about hooking up in a stranger’s home.  And it bears repeating that I used to do it all the time – nervous, but excited all the same.  But how much of it is all talk and no action?  When I posted on gay sites saying that I was looking for a hookup, I was always serious and always followed through.  But so often I was stood up and I know now that this is a way for men to experiment with their sexuality.  They have no intention of meeting, but fantasize about it.  They will write brazen things like “Looking to suck you off in your car.  Swallow all loads.”  They will get off on the emails they receive back.  But they will never show up.  However, when trolling Craigslist, one always thinks “Maybe this dude is for real.”  And so on it goes.

The trouble for me is that the face is the ultimate deciding factor about whether I want to have sex with a guy.  Almost nobody posts a face pic on Craigslist and with good reason.  Cynically, I’ve been at this long enough to know that the reality most often doesn’t live up to the fantasy.  However, I have a buddy who uses Craigslist religiously and regales me with stories of all the hot guys he meets.  I listen with skepticism – are they all really that hot?  He often doesn’t request a face pic – he just goes with the flow.  He has a partner, so all of this happens furtively on the down low.  He once had to help a trick out the back door when the partner showed up at home, unexpectedly early, through the front door.  Both my buddy and his partner have found evidence on each other’s computers that they are both using Craigslist.  They even had a half-hearted confrontation about it.  But ultimately, it’s a Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy for them.  I’ve asked him why they don’t talk about it openly and open the relationship, but he balked at such a notion.  Somehow, they want to keep the dream alive that they are a monogamous couple.  I scratch my head at this.  So I’m asking you, Dear Reader, to fill me in:  what am I missing in this equation? 

8 comments:

  1. Two questions...two answers, with the last one first since it's the easiest to answer.

    What are you missing in the equation regarding the couple that both use Craigslist? The deal with relationships is that every partnership on earth that works has its own rules. If their's is a "don't ask, don't tell" policy, then that's the way it works for them. Are they trying to keep living that monogamous couple's dream? Maybe, and to those that don't know them very well, at least it looks like they are.

    If I tried to explain the relationship that my partner an I have, most people would think, "OMG! And they're still together? No way!" But it works for us. The few people that do know how we operate don't understand it, but probably only judge us when we're not around! To the rest of the people in this small town, we're just the happy monogamous gay couple that's been together for years. Unless they start throwing dead dogs at us for being adulterers, we'll continue to not care what they think anyway.

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  2. Now to the first question? Would I respond to this Craigslist ad? Definitely, but it probably wouldn't be one of those "meet up and come over in ten minutes" thing. I would respond because so many of the things there are exactly what I like to do anyway. The bate bud description is a no-brainer for me, and it could incorporate some of the things from the gay-bud part, as well.

    It would just take me time to get to know the person a little better because of the same safety issue you mention. Looking back, I have been nothing but lucky with the guys that I have had to my house, and Lord knows I've had plenty over the decades. I've not been ripped off, robbed, beat up, had my car stolen, or felt invaded ever. The closest it ever came to being scary was the time a guy came over; we did the deed, and as he was getting ready to leave he said "how about $50." My answer - which surprised me to this day - was "Oh, you don't have to pay me!" He snarled and left.

    The biggest problem I've had has been wondering how I was going to get rid of them when it was time for them to go.

    How serious are you about not wanting to be with somebody that has a partner? In my very un-expert analysis, you really don't want to be with a partnered person because there is the chance that he really may be the keeper you're hoping for. Knowing that you don't want to voluntarily throw yourself into a sticky situation, you hope they will just stay away because you told them you weren't interested. But you gave yourself that 'out' when you said..."let's discuss."

    As for me and Craigslist, I have never answered an ad on there, and likely never will. About five years ago, a guy here in town posted several Craigslist ads. He showed several pictures, and even put ads telling about a party where he wanted guys to come and have sex with him. He gave his address, and pretty much told people just to show up to have sex. For the first month it was for private hook-ups, and the address was that of an elderly couple who only got suspicious after the fifth person came there looking for "Brian." Then, he gave the address of a woman who had been mayor [and town drunk, and town psycho]. She pulled a gun on more than one of the people who showed up at her door. Then...there was the ad for the sex party. He advertised this party for a certain date and time, and told guys to show up. My sources tell me that nine guys showed up at the given address...which was the home of the chief of police. Since my source was the chief of police, I have to believe it. They never could find the guy, and he just disappeared.

    So...to this day, people post warning notices about hooking up with people from the town, so if I wanted to meet anyone from there anyway, I'd have to start out by lying about where I lived. It's too much trouble. Heck, this whole tricking out thing is too much trouble. I'll bate and not have to worry about any of it.



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    1. Rod! You reminded me of the one time that I did get robbed after a hookup, perhaps a topic for a future essay. But lately, or at least for the last year, I've had the same feeling of "I'll bate and not have to worry about any of it." Now that I'm living with a roommate, I've been back out there, having sex with others (besides myself) more regularly again. And I find both have their pluses and minuses. There is another essay there for sure: The pros and cons of hooking up as opposed to bating (masturbating). In regard to my friends who both use Craigslist and yet don't talk about it is the issue that they have had confrontations about it. So the set-up seems somewhat skewed or hypocritical. It just felt odd to me that they would take each other to task for it when they are both doing it. Your thoughts?

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  3. It's like that sign I had in my store: "A good wife will forgive her husband when she is wrong." Two people sneaking around trying to hook-up via social media, they both know that each other is doing it, yet it's wrong for the other person to do it? That's not hypocritical or skewed. It's just out-and-out stupid. Somewhere in the middle of any rationale that would come out of it would be for one of them to say "yes, I do it, but it's different when I do it." There's a relationship issue that nobody wants to face going on between those two ostriches.

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  4. What are you missing in the equation? Maybe their relationship is complex financially where splitting would be messy and costly for both. Maybe they have family who be very disappointed if they split up. And maybe they feel that opening up the relationship is the first step that would lead to the eventual dissolution of the partnership. These two people are trying to make their lives together work and whatever works for them is good as long as it hurts no one. Would it work for you or me? Since I am not in it, can't say for 100% sure but I suspect not. But now I have a question for you... why do you scratch your head over this? Why not just accept that this is how these two people conduct their relationship, admit to yourself and to us that you probably would not have that kind of relationship and not spend brain cycles "trying to figure it out", especially when it involves someone else and that makes you see it "through your filters with all your emotions, etc..." Now if you were in that relationship and were asking us for advice, then it would be a different story.

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    1. Hey Mark, I totally see what you're saying. As someone once told me, "Everyone has their reasons." There are indeed many variables as to what makes a relationship work or not work. My own biases and myopic vision might be at fault here, so I indeed appreciate your take on my take on it all. But they have been hurt already, simply by finding evidence of each others' use of Craigslist. It was challenging hearing my friend upset about the partner using CL when he loves using it himself...I was at a loss with that....Jason

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  5. Jason, you did not relay that hurt they felt, in your original post. A "half-hearted confrontation" does not conjure up hurt and anguish to a large degree, more like a weary dance where both know the moves and are going through the motions. Your last sentence in your reply to me, really spelled out what you were having an issue with and I agree with you there, it must have been difficult for you to process their actions, because I feel the same way. Your friend is being somewhat a hypocrite in this situation but only he knows why he feels that way. Personally, if it were me and if circumstances were such that I wanted to maintain the relationship, for whatever reasons (monetary, fear of being alone, disapproval, career, etc.) then I would at least remove the secrecy and hopefully with it, the hurt and negativity. Maybe your friend wants to maintain an "image" of their relationship that is "clean and wholesome". And when you or anyone finds themselves in the middle of a situation that has been created by another's emotional doing, the best you can do is not wonder "why", as that will get you nowhere, but try to learn something about yourself from it, as well as be there in whatever way your friend needs you.
    Jason, going to be honest here and tell you that I an having a bit of a hard time, when I read some of the things you have done. I don't think it is an age issue (I am 60 and now you may think that I am a dinosaur and should be locked away in an old folk's home to mold and die. One thing I really do not like about the gay culture is that to lots of young gay men, anyone over 30 is invisible and a source of derision.) because I would feel the same way even if I was 20. I don't think it a generational thing because I experienced the 60's and that was the most radical of generational times. I don't think it is gay vs straight attitudes. I don't think it was the way I was raised, as my two brothers went both went 180 degrees from me, in all facets of their lives. I think it is just the way I was born. True, upbringing can reinforce your patterns of personality, but you have an underlying personality that you are born with, just like you are born with a certain body type. You may modify that body type (mine is endomorphic) but you will never change it to something else. I will give you an example of something you did that I find hard to process. You saving up jugs of urine, letting them get warm and rank and then taking a bath in it. Honestly Jason, at that point, I almost stopped reading and thought, "well, won't bother with him anymore", as that was just beyond belief to me. Just like seeing someone stick needles through their balls or penis or causing an anal prolapse that a cow would be proud of having, on X-tube... But, I like that you are open about it, and really are trying to make a difference for your readers. Oops, now I am starting to ramble and so will stop....

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    1. Hey Mark, thanks again for your thoughts on my two friends who use Craigslist. And I agree - my fetishes may not be for most people! :)

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